I've had a few comments and messages since having Aria saying how happy I seem and how she must have completed our family after losing Rocco. For the most part yes... I haven't felt this happy for a long time and I'm so relieved I finally have the two children we have always pictured.
Aria has filled most of that empty hole in my heart that Rocco left, I have so much love for my girls but there still is a little hole left open and I don't think that will ever go. He was a different child so no-one can really replace him. But I'm slowly getting used to that feeling. Time does heal and I can now talk about him and think about him without crying or feeling down.
I still think about him every single day which really surprises me. I thought over time the memories and thoughts of him would fade but I kind of feel like they've got stronger. I picture what he would look like, I see Sienna playing and think how he would have played with her, what his personality would have been like, if he'd like football like Warren.. I think about how he would have shaped us as a family.
He is our son.
But we will only raise daughters.
We are 90% sure Aria is our last child.. (well, Warren is 100% sure..) so we will never get to experience what it's like to bring up a son. That does make me feel sad but at the same time, I know there is nothing we can do about it.
We still talk about him quite a lot as a family and we will never forget him. Sienna even seems to remember and sometimes asks about him totally unprompted and it takes me by surprise but it makes me happy she does as it keeps the memory of him alive.
Even though we barely met him, I feel like we really knew him and of course, we still think of him.